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I dreamed Sahona and I were taken by The Doctor (Number 11)  as companions last night, but it wasn't working out so well.

He was infatuated with Sahona, and kept flirting with her, which put us in an awkward situation, since, you know, it's his TARDIS.

It soon became apparent he had only wanted to take her, but the TARDIS insisted he bring me along. In the dream, the TARDIS could manifest a holographic avatar, like in Andromeda, and looked the way she appeared in "The Doctor's Wife" episode.

He kept arguing with the TARDIS about me, and she kept insisting he needed me for some mysterious reason.

Something happened with all of us in the control room, and I finally blew up at The Doctor. He was telling me I was a fat, lazy, semi-evolved primate with the intellectual capacity of a retarded eggplant.

I countered by screaming at him that he was a pasty, passive-aggressive, co-dependent poofter. (Best dream me could come up with under the circumstances. 900-year-old timelords are difficult to insult.)

He said I only wished he was a poofter, because then he wouldn't be fucking my wife.

That pissed Sahona off, either because she was caught, or it wasn't true. She tried to intervene.

The doctor started toward me around the control console, and I got scared, because I knew he's actually very physically dangerous when he chooses to be.

So I started randomly flipping switches and pushing buttons. The four walls of the control room went transparent, and the TARDIS went into a free fall, with a city far below us. Alarms started going off.

The Doctor started screaming at me, asking what I thought I was doing.

I reminded him that I wasn't responsible for my actions, being only semi-evolved, and having the intelligence of a retarded eggplant.

He pulled out his sonic screwdriver, and I opened a panel on the control console and pushed a button. It was some sort of emergency transmat beam, that transported me out of the TARDIS.

The next thing I knew, I was walking around in some alien city that looked like a cross between Coruscant from Star Wars and the Blade Runner sets.

I kept trying to talk to post-apocalyptic-looking mutant people, asking them if they had seen a blue box, or a pasty guy with greasy hair and a bowtie, but no one wanted to talk to me.
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ayeamspartacus

January 2013

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